Revelations
by ADJ
Summary: This is a Yuna x Seymour fic so if you don't approve of this, please don't read it. After 10 years, Yuna reveals her true feelings to her friends through a diary she kept during the pilgrimage.


Author's Note: It's my first time writing a Yuna x Seymour or a pairing that is not according to the main storyline.  I made this because of a request. I hope you all like it (especially that person). =) Also, forgive me if there are some grammatical errors.

Disclaimer: One more thing… I don't own the main characters here.

WARNING: If you're not a Yuna x Seymour fan, please don't read this… You'll hate me afterwards. Believe me.

Revelations

            Ten years have passed since my adventure began.  If it wasn't for him, Spira would have been in turmoil again.  There might be a new summoner on a pilgrimage to salvage the land if he did not sacrifice his life.  Actually, I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for him.  I did not expect this to happen.  I thought I was going to die during those times, but he saved me from death.  We were able to break the tradition. Now, Spira is forever in the Calm season.  However, as for me, I don't know if my mind will ever be peaceful again.  There's something in the past that I regret not doing…

            _I reached out and pulled a small book out of a chest.  _

            Sigh…  If they were able to read this, they would have been in a state shock.  All of them thought that I liked him, but my heart belongs to someone else; someone they least expected.  I have done many regrets in my life, but now I am not afraid to show my true feelings.  I hid in the closet for many years but now, I have built enough confidence to express what I really feel even though it's too late.  I want everyone to know.  I don't care what they think of me after this…

            Today is my 27th birthday, and everyone is waiting for me downstairs of my new house in Besaid.  The people here helped me build my new house.  It was their act of gratitude towards me.  Now, I'm living in a beautiful white house made of wood thanks to them.

            I _went downstairs to meet them. They were all anxious to meet me.  It had been quite some time since we last met.  _

I really miss all of them, and sometimes, I envy them.  Lulu is now married to Wakka and has two kids, a boy, and a girl.  Rikku is now the new leader of the Al Bhed after his father passed away.  Kimahri, on the other hand, was able to bring the Ronso tribe back, and probably has many cubs back in Gagazet with his wife. Sigh… As for me, I'm still not married. No one's to blame except me… 

"Hi Yunie! Happy birthday!!!" Rikku greeted me.

"Thanks." I replied.

            _Suddenly, Rikku pulled someone.  It was a guy…_

"Sis! Meet my boyfriend, Kharak." 

"He.. Hello…"

"Hi! Good to see you! I smiled.

            He was quite taller than me, and pretty well built.  His brown hair was somewhat spiky.  Just by looking at him, I know he doesn't speak English that fluent.  Everyone seems to be successful in love except for me… Sigh…

            _After this, two people hugged me from the back._

"'Appy Birthday aunt Yuna!" Both of them shouted.

"Hey! Lina! Chupp! You came! Thank you!"

Well…  Even though Lulu and Wakka don't want to admit it, they based their son's name to Chappu. It's quite obvious.  They all seem happy with their lives right now.  If only I had been stronger ten years ago, I would've been happy with my life today.

            "Happy birthday Lady Yuna." Lulu said as she approached me.

            "Lulu! You don't have to be so formal. Yuna is fine." I smiled.

            "Tee hee… I got used to it." Lulu giggled.

            I'm glad Lulu got her smile back again. I could still remember when she lost it.  It was when Chappu died. She couldn't bear it, and locked her feelings away.  I wish I could do that, but my heart is weak when it comes to that.  

            "Something wrong Yuna?" 

            _I looked at the person who asked me. It was Wakka…_

            "Oh… Wakka… It's nothing… I'm just happy to see all of you enjoying life… Sigh…" 

            "Thinking about him? You shouldn't be sad, ya.  He wouldn't like that.  After all, you're the one who told him to smile every time. Am I right, ya?"

            Everyone thinks it's him… Tidus… They're all wrong. Sometimes, I feel guilty when this happens. I have to end all this misunderstanding… I can't take it anymore.

            "Listen everyone… I have a confession to make… I've kept this long enough. I can't take it anymore." I said.

            "Lady Yuna don't look well…" Kimahri said.

            "… It's time for all of you to know…"

            "What is it Lady… I mean Yuna?" 

            "All these years, you thought I liked Tidus… But there's someone else… I wasn't just strong enough to say it to all of you back then."

            "What is it? It can't be that bad Yunie…"

            "I don't know, but here goes…"

            _I opened my diary, and started reading the pages, which holds the truth…    _

Pilgrimage Journal Entry # 5

            We managed to defeat the Chocobo Eater who was chasing us earlier. However, our problem now was the gate to get in Mushroom rock.  The guards didn't want us to enter the place. It was "restricted" allegedly… We were about to leave when someone came. It was him. My eyes locked to his as his also locked to me.  My heart started to beat fast, and I was perspiring…

"So we meet again, Summoner Yuna." He said.

"Ummm… Ye… Yes…" I said, trembling.

"What's the matter? Is something wrong?" 

"Ummm…"

            For some reason, I couldn't speak straight at him so I just looked at the gate that was blocking our path.  He followed my look and smiled back at me… What was I feeling back then?

"Oh that… Don't worry.  I shall arrange everything for you and your friends." 

"Th… Thank you…"

            He approached the guards as we followed him.  The guards were trembling with fright as he gave them a mean look.

"Mae… Maester…" the guard said.

"Good day. I would like to make a request that you let Summoner Yuna and her friends inside Mushroom Rock. They are here for a very important task."

"But sir…"

"Do not worry. I am a famous personality after all. I will take responsibility as to what will happen."

"… Yes sir."

            Because of that, they opened the gates and let us entered.  I really appreciated what he did for me… For us. He was a real gentleman.  Wow… I couldn't believe what I saw when I got in. Machinas were everywhere. I thought it was against the teachings of Yevon to use machinas. However, he seemed to support this operation…

"I thought machinas aren't allowed according to the teachings of Yevon?" Wakka asked.

"Sigh… Even I don't what's going on… But maybe he has a good reason." I explained.

            I tried to protect him from the criticism that they were making against him, but it seemed that my friends, as well as guardians, do not like him at all. He approached Auron… It seemed that they knew each other.

"If it isn't Auron? The guardian of Braska ten years ago… How's your 'life'?"

"… I am Yuna's guardian… I cannot entertain you." 

            He left. By that sight, I could tell, Auron didn't like him either.

"Oh there you are Summoner Yuna. You must feel very secured since Auron is there as your bodyguard."

"Ye… Yes…"

"What's the matter? Why do you look so nervous?"

"… It's nothing…"

            I walked away from him. I couldn't look at his face. I might do something unexpected. I don't know what to do when I see him. It's as if my mind's in mess. As I walked away, Wakka walked towards him awkwardly.  I could see that he too was nervous… I guess I'm just not used to meeting people with famous personalities.

"Ummm… Maester… Using machina is against Yevon's teachings, ya? Then…"

"Yes, of course. However, both races are yearning for peace.  Even if it is against Yevon's teachings, their intentions are pure and that what matters.  Wouldn't you want peace to happen in Spira? If this is the only way, then there is no question about it."

            I heard what he had said to Wakka. Actually, his explanation made sense to me, and I support it too if it's for the common good. However, Wakka didn't look convinced.  I could see his face turn to disgust, disappointment, as he heard what he said.  If only they'd understand… Sometimes, I ask myself if following Yevon's teachings is the only way for salvation…

            It seemed that the battle would start soon. Everyone was prepared and was in their assigned position.  Soon, Sin came and the battle started… Suddenly, A sinspawn appeared in front of us.  We fought hard and we managed to defeat it.  However, while we were busy fighting this menacing creature, Sin unleashed its power to our forces… Almost all of them died in an instant!  Suddenly, that sinspawn came attacking us again.  It's a good thing that he was there to protect us. His powers were amazing.  He was a skilled Maester. I started to admire him. I wished I could be as strong as he is.  

            They started using their main weapon, machine, against Sin.  I thought that this was it… It's all or nothing. I kept my fingers crossed, but it failed. My face turned into horror. Everyone was wiped out in an instant. I thought this would end Sin, but I was wrong… I started to cry. I felt sorry for the people who worked so hard, but in the end, they all perished.  I wanted to help. Maybe I could make a difference, but he stopped me.

"I want to help!"

"It's no use right now."

"But…"

Sin disappeared after that leaving all the corpses he made.  I swore I'm going to avenge these people once my pilgrimage is over.  I will be the people's light and hope. I will bring the Calm to them. This is a promise to my self.   For some reason, Tidus suddenly disappeared.  I wonder where he went… After that, I sent the people to the Farplane.  This is the best thing that I could do for them than turn into fiends.  I was walking towards my guardians when he blocked my way.

"You don't look good Summoner Yuna." He said.

"… Sigh…" 

            I couldn't say anything.  He looked as if he cared about me… Could it be?

"You're not an ordinary person living in Spira. You are a summoner; the one who will shed light to the people someday.  You cannot let yourself be weak."

"… Don't worry. I'll… Do my best." I said.

"If so… Will you let me support you? Just like Zeion did for Yunalesca."

            I froze.  It's as if time had stopped.  I didn't know what to say to him.  Will I say yes? Or no? What would the others say? I was caught in the middle.  I couldn't decide.

"Don't worry. I'm not rushing you with your decision. I'm sure we'll meet again." He smiled.

"Yes…"

            This was the time when I was feeling confused about him.  My heart starts pounding so fast whenever I see him.  I don't know what to do…

…

Pilgrimage Journal Entry # 10

            I got three Aeons already. I'm almost through with my Pilrimage.  We were now in Guadosalam. I wondered if I would be able to see him, and at least give him an answer.  I wanted to let him join and help me, but I was afraid of what the others would think.  At this point, I know I was in love with him.  I don't want them to be disappointed with my decisions.  We were invited to go to his room. He wanted to talk to us… I wondered what he would say… We were looking around the place and saw images of Jiskal, his father, and other Guado leaders.  I heard Auron tell them to watch me closely… With that, I knew he didn't like this place at all… 

"Kimahri don't like him." He blurted out suddenly.

"Be quiet… We're not in our territory."

            I couldn't believe Kimahri could say that. How could they judge a person that fast? It's just unfair… I'm sure he has his good side. Suddenly, his servant opened the door to his room.

"He is expecting you. Please come in."

            It wasn't his room after all, but it looked like a lounge or something like that. There were beautiful flowers and food too. I was mesmerized by the place.  Everyone was making them selves comfortable. I could see them sitting down on the furniture, looking around, etc.  Finally, he went out and greeted us.

"Hello everyone!" He said.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked him.

"There's no need to rush things."

"Yuna doesn't have the time for nonsense so please tell us what you want." Auron blurted.

            Sigh… They really don't like him. I really wanted to talk to him.  I didn't want to argue with Auron anymore so I just let him speak whatever he wanted to say.  He was once the guardian of my father. I didn't want to disrespect him.

"… Very well sir Auron. If that what you wish."

            I could see his frustration towards Auron.  Who wouldn't? He wasn't given the chance… 

"Anyway, please come this way Summoner Yuna."

            I was glad that he wasn't angry at me or anything, because one of my guardians was rude to him.  Suddenly, the whole room disappeared and all we could see was a projection of Zanarkand.  It was amazing. I felt that I was inside Zanarkand.  After that, we saw a woman… 

"Yunalesca!" I shouted.

"Yes. She was the very first summoner who defeated Sin many years ago. Your name was based from her, am I right?"

"Ummm… Yes. My father gave it to me."

"Yunalesca didn't defeat Sin by her own.  In order to defeat Sin, it takes two persons with a united heart in marriage. A unity that will last forever."

            Suddenly, we saw a warrior hugging Yunalesca.  Seymour looked at me as if he was pointing something out.  I suddenly blushed… I think I know what he wants… Seymour went towards me after this.

"Will you marry me?" He whispered softly.

            I was shocked by what he asked. They all saw my face as my eyes widened. I didn't know what to say, but in my heart, it was saying "Marry him… Marry him…" However, I was afraid; I was afraid to be criticized by everyone.  I was really perspiring and the only thing that I could hear was my beating heart.  He went away and gave me a nod.  I thought I was going to get a heart attack back there. I didn't expect him to ask me that that quick.

"What's the matter?" Tidus asked.

"… He asked me to marry him…"

            I couldn't think of another excuse so I told them the truth. Of course, everyone was shocked like me when they heard it.  

"I'm sure you know what Yuna's mission is." Auron said.

"Yes. A summoner's mission is to bring peace in Spira, but is that the only purpose of summoners? Just to defeat Sin?  For me, it's also to bring joy to the people who are suffering from Sin, even for a short time. It will also be good publicity for me."

"A moment's diversion may amuse an audience, but it changes nothing." Auron said in an angry manner.

"But still, you cannot change the fact that it would be a great scene for the people." He said.

            I couldn't believe that he's just using me as an amusement for the people of Spira… I'm not a toy that can be thrown away after I'm used. I was hurt at that time. I thought he had feelings for me.  I wanted to cry, but I didn't want them to know that I have feelings for him. He walked towards me.  I wanted to slap him, but I didn't. I just couldn't.

"No need to rush your decision. Please consider this carefully." He said, smiling

"Don't worry. SHE'LL DO THAT." Auron said.

            I just stayed quiet.  I didn't know what to say to him.  I was really heartbroken at this point in time. Suddenly, Seymour commented something about Auron, which I didn't really get.

"Why are you still here?" He asked.

            Auron ignored him, but I could see that what Seymour asked startled him.

"Oh, please forgive me. We, Guados, have a keen sense of smell from people in the Farplane." He grinned.

            We left his room, and suddenly, everyone was talking about this controversy.  Lulu seemed to have an optimistic opinion about this.  Tidus, on the other hand, wanted to change the topic.

"Are you jealous?" Riku teased.

"No! It's just that our main objective is to defeat Sin and that's it."

            I wondered if he really was jealous. I wanted to giggle, but nevermind.  He seemed to be funny and caring in a way, but still... Tidus is just not like him…  Even though his purpose of marrying was to bring good publicity, I was considering marrying him. Maybe he would learn to love me as time passes. I was still confuse.

"If this would bring up the spirit the people of Spira even a little… I think this would be wonderful for the everyone… So I'm considering this carefully…"

            What was I saying? It just blurted out of my mouth suddenly. I was probably still confused about it.  I was still hesitating. I don't know if I should go with it or not…

"What!? Are you serious Yuna?" Tidus asked me. He was kind of envious or something when I looked at him.

"But if you marry… Your journey. It might end there." Riku said.

"… Ummm… Let's just continue our journey. I'm sure he will understand I'm a summoner, and that's my mission." I said.

"Then why do you need to consider anything?" Tidus asked.

            I couldn't answer him.  My mind was a in a twist. I couldn't make a decision whether to follow my heart or what everyone wanted. After this, we went to the Farplane and probably I would get something there, from my father.  Tidus came by and asked me how I was.  He's sweet, but still…  We left the Farplane when something occurred. It was Jiskal, his father. I could see that he wanted to say something to me. His face looked horrible.  Suddenly, I saw a sphere, and took it. Auron shouted at me, and I sent him back. What was that?

"What just happened?" Riku asked.

"… That's what happens if one experienced a harsh death…" Auron said.

            We went back to Seymour's room.  I asked them to wait for me outside. I have to face him myself. There's so much I wanted to ask him.  Suddenly, I heard that he already went to the Macalania Shrine.  Sigh… There's still something about Jiskal that I couldn't get off my mind… I wonder…

…

Pilgrimage Journal Entry # 11

            I am now in Thunder Plains. I didn't know that Riku was afraid of thunder. Hee hee…  I couldn't wait to meet him again.  I wish tonight would end soon.  Jiskal… What do you want? 

_I opened his sphere… I was surprised as to what I saw.  It was his image.  _

As I am writing this entry now, I am listening to what he has to say… No it can't be… He can't do that… He just can't…  HE KILLED HIS OWN FATHER!!!  Furthermore, he's asking me to stop him… What will I do? I don't know who's to blame…  Is there more to Seymour Guado than meets the eye?  One thing left to do… I have to marry him…  I want to know what he has to say. Maybe there's a good reason… Maybe I can change him for the better… I can't accept this just like that.

…

            _I stopped reading to for a while to relieve myself from the pressure…_

"… Yunie… I didn't know that you have feelings for him…" Riku told me as I stopped reading.

"It's not the end yet… There's more I have to tell…" I said.

"This looks rather short than the other entries… What happened?" Lulu asked.  

She looked shocked. Who wouldn't? They all probably were.

"… Tidus interrupted me so I have to stop…  But it doesn't matter now." I said.

            _I turned again to the next few pages… _

Pilgrimage Journal Entry # 12

            At this point, I already told them that I will marry Seymour, but didn't tell them why.  With their attitude towards him, they might to something harsh, and I don't want that to happen. I want to solve this by myself.  I thought everything would go as I have planned, but something went wrong…

            We just passed Lake Macalania and now headed towards Macalania Shrine.  I told his servant, Tromell, that I would marry Seymour. He seemed very delighted.  We were in the middle of the lake when a group of Al Bhed people stopped us.  Why do they want to stop me?  I know my uncle Cid just wants me safe… But, I've already accepted my fate. Why can't he understand that?  Tidus and the others doesn't know that I'm half Al Bhed yet, but I'll probably tell them soon. Soon, they helped me escape and I was able to reach Macalania Shrine safely.  I met Seymour outside of Macalania Shrine.

"Hello Summoner Yuna." He said.

"He… Hello… I have come up with a decision. I will marry you." I smiled.

"I'm glad you considered my offer. You won't regret it."

"Ummm… Seymour… I…" 

"What is it?"

"Ummm…. Nevermind…"

            I couldn't ask him just yet.  He might have a wrong impression of me.  I don't want him to feel that I am against him.  I would just have to wait.  We managed to solve the Cloister of Trials. I was now in praying to the fayth. Suddenly, I heard a commotion outside.  I went outside, and I saw them.  All my plans were ruined at that time… I just hoped that nothing-bad would happen… I was in the middle of both groups. It was either the Guados or my friends… I couldn't choose…

"Yuna!" Tidus screamed.

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be…?" I asked.

"We saw Jiskal's sphere!" 

"I knew it! You killed him…" Auron shouted.

"Absurd! Yuna? Do you know this?" He asked.

            I couldn't look at his face. I felt guilty.  I looked down on the ground and nodded.  I didn't know what to say…

"Then why?" He asked again angrily.

            This event was harsh for me. I was in the middle of a difficult decision. It's either I team up with him and tell my true feelings or join my friends and stop him.  At this point, my mind, again, was covered with anger towards him for some reason. Everything flashed back before me… The scene where he told me his purpose of marrying me came back to me over and over again.  

"(He is just using me! He is just using me!)"

            Those words were flashing inside my mind.  I couldn't take it any longer…!

"I am here… To… Stop… You…" I said hesitantly.

            I can't believe myself. I told that to him, to the person I love. He must've been hurt. I wanted to say sorry, but I know it's too late for now…

"Is that so… Are you serious?" He asked again just to be sure.

            I stepped away from him. No matter how I wanted to hug him just to express my true feelings, my body just wouldn't let me. I was backing away from him farther and farther.

"Sigh… Yuna…  This is very upsetting, and I thought you… Never mind…"

            He walked towards me.  I told myself that I would accept whatever he would do to me… I deserve it. However, my guardians surrounded me and protected me from him…

"Tsk… Tsk… This is very touching. You bodyguards would sacrifice your life just to protect your summoner. Very well… If that's what you want."

"Maester Seymour… They are not only guardians to me. They are my friends, and if you will kill them, I will not hesitate to fight you.

            There was no turning back now. I had made a decision to where I stood against and I have to stick to it. I was fighting a great enemy of Spira, as well as the person that I love.  It was an intense fight. He even summoned the great Anima against us. He was really angry.  However, we defeated him, together with his Guado servants.  He fell to the ground… I was afraid that this was going to happen. I walked towards him, but…

"What are you looking at? Stop staring… at me… like that…" He shouted.

            Tears went out of my eyes. I had betrayed the person I love. The words "I'm sorry" formed in my lips, but he didn't care… His eyes closed. He died… I killed him… We killed him. Everybody was in shock.  His servant went in and was enraged. We got chased away by the Guados out of Macalania.  A wendigo confronted us, and we fell down when the ice crashed.  They talked to me about what I was planning back then… I just made something up…

"I wanted to ask him about Jiskal…" I said.

"So the marriage was some sort of a ploy…?" Lulu asked.

"You could say that." 

"Then what did he say?" Tidus asked.

"None at all… I'm useless… If only I had discussed it from all of you from the start…"

            I really didn't have any plans to discuss it with them.  I thought I could get away easily, but I was wrong. I should've been more careful.  It's too late. I can't cry over spilled milk.      

…

Pilgrimage Journal # 13

            I couldn't remember what had happened after we fell from the ice caps… I got separated from my friends.  I wonder if they're alright? I wish they were.  As far as my memory told me, I woke up in Guadosalam… I guess they saw me somewhere, and even though we killed their leader, they helped me. I am truly grateful… Sigh… I regret what I did.  However, as I went out of my room, I couldn't believe what or who I saw. He's still alive! I went towards him slowly. I called him softly with my head looking on the ground.  

"So you're awake already Summoner Yuna…" He said.

            I didn't feel his anger anymore.  It's as if he has forgiven me already, but still…

"Seymour… Why?" I asked nervously.

"Why what?"

"Why did you spare my life? From the moment, I knew I was going to die…"

"Is there something wrong with that? You are the light of the people."

"But, we killed you… How?"

"I am now an unsent… The people's thoughts are still strong within me so I may be dead, but I'm still here…"

"Are you… Angry… At me?

"Of course not Summoner Yuna…  Who would get angry with such a beautiful flower?" He smiled.

            I blushed during that time…

"Ummm… I'm confused…"

"From the moment I saw you in Mushroom Rocks, I could tell that you have feelings for me…  Your eyes. They were like in trance when it locked to mine.  I was quite disappointed though that you went against me…"

"I just… I just don't know what to say… I'm sorry!" I cried.

            He hugged me as a sign of comfort. He was the very first person who did that to me.

"There's nothing we can do now… I'm already dead, and I don't blame you… I know that you didn't agree with the marriage just to stop me. Am I right?" 

"Ye… Yes… I want to know if you really killed Jiskal… I want it to come out of your mouth."

"Yes, I killed my father… He was the cause of our sufferings. So do you still want to marry me? I ask you again…"

            Even though he knew I killed him, he still offered me his hand. Could it be that he also has feelings for me after all?  
  


"I can't answer now, but you still trust me despite what happened?"

"I could sense that all of your actions back then was a mere disguise to hide what you really feel… You are not at fault. I don't blame you… However, your friends… Are you willing to sacrifice them…?" He asked.

"… I don't know what to say… I'm still confused… I might make another wrong move…" 

"Well then… I'll be willing to wait for another answer…"

            He left me after that.  He understood what I was feeling back then. He didn't blame me… At this moment, I was given another chance, but I don't want to waste it ever again.  I wanted to know if he has feelings for me too… Or it's just me; a one sided love.  That's what I hate about this… For him, I was just a mere decoration, something to flaunt to the people. That is also, why I was still hesitating to say a "yes".  

            However, my heart took over than my brain. I decided to marry him… I just thought that what they, my guardians, don't know won't hurt them.  I just hope that after all this, I would be in peace…  I hope I am doing the right thing.  I hope they won't show up, because I don't know what I will do if ever that will happen.  I went to his room and knocked. He offered me to come in…

"I'm amazed that you already have a decision Summoner Yuna."

"Seymour… I will marry you, but I have one last question… Do you just see me… As a decoration?"

He froze, and became silent. For the first time, he wasn't able to answer quickly. He must've been caught of guard.

"Tell me anything… I will accept it. I just want to know, and if ever I hope that someday…"

"No… From the first time I met you, I felt this feeling inside of me.  It was the first time I have ever felt it.  I was quite confused, but in order to protect my reputation, I told them that."

"So we feel the same way for each other… I guess I'm doing the right thing. I will marry you." I smiled.

"I am happy to hear that…  Yuna…"

            For the first time, he called me by my first name… I was so happy.  He kissed me on the cheek. It was the first time that somebody, outside the family, had kissed me.  After that, he told me to go back to my room because he wanted to rest.  He didn't abuse me when I was vulnerable.  He was a gentleman I thought back then…

Pilgrimage Journal Entry # 16

            My wedding had arrived. I was so excited. We were in Bevelle, and everyone looked overjoyed.  Some were murmuring, some were shouting, and some were throwing flowers everywhere. It was like a celebration.  I wanted to cry again. I was so happy.  I was already in my wedding gown when he went inside my room.

"Are you ready, Yuna?"

"Yes. This is it. I hope nothing goes wrong." I said, excitedly.

"There won't be… I promise you."

"But, my friends. What if they arrive? Are you going to kill them?" I asked, sadly.

"… I have no say about that…"

            I felt that he wanted to seek revenge for what my friends did.  I just hope that they don't come… I don't want them to get hurt. At that point, I felt that something bad is about to happen… 

            The celebration had started. We went outside.  Both of us walked towards the altar to meet Maester Maika.  I was a bit nervous, because I felt something bad was about to happen.  Suddenly, he held my wrist to help me as I walk.

"Come." He said.

            I knew at that moment that he was showing his public self again with the way he talked. He wanted to show the people his authority… That's how men are.  Suddenly, I tripped on something, which made him grab my wrist tightly to prevent me from falling.

"I'm sorry… Was it too tight?" He whispered.

"No… I'm fine. Don't worry." I whispered back     

            Suddenly, I heard a loud noise.  It was some sort of hook that hit Bevelle.  Then I heard someone shout…

"Yuna!!! We're here!"

            The moment that I was hoping not to happen happened.  I could see them especially Tidus sliding down the silver chains of the hook.  The guards were all firing at them as they evaded the attack.  I could see them jumping from chain to chain just to evade the attack… Lulu, on the other hand, just cast her magic spells, which destroyed the soaring bullets that were approaching her. They reached the ground safely fortunately, but there were more guards approaching them.  Soon, they were able to defeat those incompetent guards and reached the altar.  Suddenly, even more guards halted them.  I thought this was the end of their lives. I didn't want them to die… Seymour appeared to enjoy the scene.  If I won't do anything at that time, they would die.  I got my staff hidden inside my gown just in case something like this happened. I was expecting this.  I had to make a commotion.    

"What's that Yuna?  Trying to send me off to the Farplane? I can't believe you have another trick in your sleeve."

            He got it all wrong. He thought this was for real… As much as I wanted to tell him that this was not what he was thinking, I couldn't.  Not in front of my friends… I became afraid again.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Lady Yuna.  If you want them to live, please put your staff down." Maester Maika suddenly said as he was pointing at my friends.

            I couldn't do anything so I dropped my staff down.  I was about to cry again.  He thought that I was, again, against him, but he's wrong.  It's not like that… It's not like that.  Suddenly, Seymour walked towards me…

"Seymour… It's not…" I whispered.

            He didn't let me finish. I knew he didn't trust me anymore…

"… You need not speak Yuna… Shall we continue?" He said, coldly

            We both looked at the people after that.  Seymour smiled at me… I didn't know what he was planning… Will he kill me? Will he even forgive me? Suddenly, I felt his lips unite with mine.  I was so shocked that my fingers were clenched.  My heart was really beating fast as tears went out of my eyes.  The bell rang signaling the end of the ceremony.

"Seymour… Please spare them… Please… Let me explain." I whispered softly.

"I don't need any explanations from you… I've had enough." 

            That was it. All of my dreams were shattered at that time.  He didn't trust me anymore…

"Kill them." He ordered.

            At least, there was one last thing I could at least do.  I was good at making ploys anyway… I stepped backwards towards an opening.  Everyone became quiet.  Seymour ordered them to lower their weapons.  At least, from here, I knew he still cared about me.

"Escape now… I'll be fine." I said.

"Yuna… Please step down… We won't be able to save you if you fall." Seymour requested.

            At this point, I could feel that if I didn't do this, it was the end of our lives.  I made another decision to jump off. I have Valefor anyway…

"Don't worry… I'll survive this… Believe me." I smiled.

            I looked at Tidus to see if he got my message. He nodded so I guess it was time for me to do my part. I jumped off the opening. Everyone screamed and I could see Seymour and Maester Maika looked down.  I waved my staff around until a light covered my body.  Soon, Valefor appeared and saved me from the fall.  Hoping that they had escaped, I flew back to the altar, but they were still there…  I signaled them to meet me in the Bevelle shrine… I didn't know what happened to them, but they managed to escape somehow.  

            I saw the shrine, and at that moment, all that I could think of was it was hypocrisy.  The entire shrine was operated by machinas, the one thing that we, Yevon believers, are prohibited to use.  No wonder Seymour supported Operation Mi'hen… Bevelle, the capital of Yevon, was using it.  I thought of myself as stupid, because I was following the teachings after all this time just to see this… I didn't know what to do, but I had to continue my mission so I went inside to get the fayth that was residing inside the shrine. 

            After that, they finally reached me, but we were caught again, and was trialed in the high court of Bevelle.  Again, I was at a lost… If I were to say the truth, my intentions, I would betray my friends, but saving my life at the same time.  I wasn't part of it anyway… All of the actions that I did was a mere disguise, and I just got tangled in the middle…  If I will say that, I might be able to spare my life. It's just unfair to the people who really don't have any faults, but in the end, we get caught somewhere and suffer too…  One of the maesters suddenly questioned me… It was Sir Kelk Ronso, the representative of the Ronso Tribe. 

"Summoner Yuna, you are a person who protects the people of Yevon. Am I right?" He said, plainly.

"… Yes…"  I whispered.

"Well then… You caused serious harm to one of the most important people of Spira, Seymour Guado, and not only that, you allied yourself with the Al Bhed tribe, which caused confusion in the order of Yevon.  Tell me… What are your intentions behind all these treasonous crimes?"

            If I was the only one who was tried, I would've told my true intentions. I didn't really want all of this to happen.  I was at the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong people. Not knowing what to do, I was caught in the middle of everything.  I looked at my friends for a while before I told them my answer.  I felt guilty if I would save myself from this mess…

"Ummm… The real traitor is… Seymour Guado… He killed his own father!" I shouted.

            I could see Seymour staring at me, but I could see in his eyes that he doubted my answer.  It was as if he didn't believe that that was my real plan, to ruin his reputation.  I didn't really want to do this, but again, I had to choose which side I was in.

"Is this true!?" Maester Kelk shouted in shocked.

"That news sold ages ago… You can't possibly believe her just like that." Seymour rebutted.

"Well… Not only that…  He's already dead!" I shouted.

"To send the dead is one of the jobs of a summoner.  Yuna was only doing her job back in that situation…" Lulu supported.

            Then, another thought came to my mind…

"Why Maester Maika did you stop me from sending Seymour?" I asked.

            When I asked that question, the Maester's face started to smile… It's as if he was hiding something.  It's like a back-up plan to prevent Seymour to be sent to the Farplane.  Suddenly, he, too, started to sparkle… I knew he was also dead… Everyone gasped upon seeing this.  Now, I really feel stupid for following the teachings… How could they be such hypocrites?  

"Life is but a passing dream, but the death that follows is eternal…" Seymour suddenly uttered.

"Everything in this world cannot survive the dance of death… It is futile to prevent death." Maester Maika explained.

            With their words, it's as if they were saying that my pilgrimage was useless… It was like to sacrifice my life was useless; that it didn't mean anything.

"Are you saying that all this journey that I am going through is useless!? I am a summoner and I am the one who will bring Calm to Spira and prevent the cause of death, Sin!" I started crying.

"I am not saying that your pilgrimage is useless…  I am saying that preventing death is useless… Your journey is different. It is to bring hope to the people of Spira, the hope to live." Maester Maika explained.

"However, it is not the solution to this…" Auron blurted out.

"I am afraid so, but this is how the teaching of Yevon goes." 

"… It's very strange that this how the teaching goes…" I said.

            With that, Maester Maika became furious and we were sentenced to prison.  After that, we were taken in to different places, separating us from each other.  This was it, Via Purifico, the prison of Bevelle.  I still love him despite this… Maybe this was what's good for me. I couldn't fight for him so I was taken here…  I just wish that both of us were just in a different place… Somewhere outside Spira.  He wouldn't be on the opposing side, and I wouldn't be against his side either. We'll be living a happy life… With each other. 

 After everything that I heard, I felt that Yevon's teachings were useless. Now, I want to find a different solution to end this, but I just can't.  As for now, I am willing to sacrifice my life.

I met Lulu, Kimahri, and Auron on the way to find an exit. I didn't want to stay here forever and do nothing.  Suddenly, we were suppose to exit, but Isaaru, another summoner, stopped us.  We started battling with our Aeons, but in the end, I won. I was determined to escape this damned place and continue what I was fighting for.   We managed to escape Via Purifico and we were united once again.  I could see Riku's face overjoyed as she hugged me. Tidus, on the other hand, was blushing… Hee hee… I think he likes me…  As we were escaping, we met Seymour killing someone…

"What did you do that for!?" Tidus suddenly shouted.

"This is a man who craved for power so much to the point that he was afraid to lose it… I just ended his sufferings.  If I can destroy life, then I can also stop the sufferings of the people…"

            His intentions were pure, but he was just at the wrong side.  Why did this have to happen? Why did we have to meet as enemies?

"That's why I need you, Yuna. Go with me in Zanarkand to end all sufferings.  Lend me your powers and life, then I shall become the new Sin and I will end life.  I will destroy Spira ending all sufferings of the world. After all, destruction is only a work in an afternoon, but creation is a work in a lifetime."

"What!? I won't allow you!" Tidus shouted.

            Was sacrificing Spira worth it? If we will be together, then I guess it's fine…  I also want to die anyway… I want to end my life at this point. What's the use? I can't get Seymour anymore…  Before I could even give a reply, Kimahri suddenly pierced Seymour on the chest, but it was useless.  This got him furious and by some power, he absorbed the corpses, which united in his body. He became Seymour Natus…  It was a horrifying scene. He must've been angry at all of us especially me. He thought that I had betrayed him, but deep inside, my heart was burning with guilt every time I told something against him… If he only knew how I was really suffering.  Fortunately for us, we were able to escape, but I knew it was not the end of it. He would continue to chase me… For the things that I did against him.  

            After escaping, we reached Lake Macalania again.  I told them that I wanted to be alone so I went to a small pond, and stayed there for a while.  I was crying back then.  I was really feeling bad for the things I did to Seymour.  He didn't deserve such treatment especially from me.  I wanted to drown myself, but the only thing that kept me from doing it was my mission… He once told me that I shouldn't be weak, because I am the light of the people.  Suddenly, I felt someone tap me on my back… It was Tidus.

"Why did this have to happen?  I thought I could go through with this with the help of everyone.  I thought I could smile every time Even though I try so hard, I just…"

"You don't need to… I know."

"You know?"

            He nodded.  I was surprised that he knew what I was feeling, hiding…  How did he know I was feeling guilty about Seymour?  I didn't show any emotions every time I see Seymour with them… How? That was the question that was repeating inside my mind.

"So… You know… You must…"

"I'm sorry…"

            Huh? I was quite confused by what he was saying.  Why was he feeling sorry for me? He should be angry at me right now for hiding my feelings for Seymour.

"I'm sorry?" I asked.

"I told you about how we should defeat Sin. And then go to Zanarkand after that, because I didn't know what you were going through… I thought this pilgrimage was no big deal for you… Err… I mean… I thought it didn't cause you your life. I'm sorry."

            What a relief… He was talking about my pilgrimage, but that didn't matter at this moment. I accepted my fate when I was still a child. I promised myself to be a summoner.

"I'm happy with it already…:" I said, smiling.

            The tears weren't coming out anymore… I guess all I needed was someone to talk to.  He then jumped in the water and submerged.  After some time, he resurfaced again…

"Hey maybe you should stop…" He said.

"What? I don't get you…"

"Errr… I mean this journey and everything… Forget about it.  You can live a life without so many expectations…"

"I guess you're right, but what about the others? What would they think?"

"I'm sure they'll accept it."

"Uh huh… What about Auron?" I asked.

"Don't worry. Let me handle him… I've known him for quite some time now." He smiled.

            I started to smile… I find him funny.  I jumped in the water and joined him.

"I wonder… What will I do if ever I quit my journey?" I asked.

"Ummm… Ah. I know! Let's go to Zanrakand, my Zanarkand!" I told her.

            I started to smile again. I just wished it were Seymour who was saying that to me…

"We can borrow that airship and fly to Zanarkand and bring everyone else… We can have a party or something!"

"I want to see a blitzball game! Your Zanarkand Abes. We can watch and cheer for them!" I said, ecstatically.

"Right!"

"Then, what? After the game ends?"

"Ummm… We can go out and… do something else! Zanarkand never sleeps… Full of light and happiness. I'm sure we can do something else." He smiled.

"Haha… I want to see that. I could use some 'fun'."

"I'll take you there! We'll go together." 

            It was a happy thought, but I knew it wasn't going to happen.  I wanted to be at Seymour's side right now… That was what I was feeling right now. I started to cry again…

"I can't go… I can't…" I said. 

            Suddenly, he just grabbed me and embraced me.  We started kissing… I was shocked.  I didn't know what I should do.  At that moment, I just cherished the moment… I just imagined he was Seymour.  I felt guilty, but I was really vulnerable at that moment.  I just let go of myself… "Whatever happens, happens.." I thought.

            After some time, it ended and we went out of the pond.

"I'll continue my journey… Everyone is expecting me to do this. I don't want to shatter the dreams of the people… I won't be able to enjoy it anyway."

"… I guess you're right…"

            This was the turning point in my life… I knew I would be encountering him again, but this time, as an enemy…  Sigh…

…

Pilgrimage Journal Entry #20

            Zanarkand, at last… My pilgrimage would soon be over.  That's what I thought, but it wasn't that easy as I have imagined…

            I thought I wouldn't see Seymour anymore in this place…  After another encounter with him in Gagazet, I thought he would leave me, because I couldn't stand fighting him again…  Funny thing though, when we reached Calm Bridge on our way to Mt. Gagazet, we were halted by Seymour's soldiers and was asking me to join them… Could it be that he still wanted my company despite all of the things I did against him? Sigh… I felt even guiltier during that time…

            We entered Zanarkand, and to my surprise, we saw another image.  It was two guados. One was a kid and the other was a woman.  The kid was crying on his mother's lap… He was saying something… Something about his mother becoming a fayth.  At that moment, I figured out that he was Seymour. No wonder he hated Spira so much.  The people deprived him of a happy life, and then his mother left him…  No wonder he wanted to destroy Spira and end all sufferings…

            We reached Yunalesca's shrine… I didn't expect the outcome of this journey… We killed her.  Was this the end of all hope? We broke one of Yevon's most important tradition; to get the ultimate summon via Yunalesca.  However, we didn't give up… There has to be another way…

Pilgrimage Journal Entry # 21

            This day was the decisive moment. We were on our way to defeat Sin.  This was the final battle that we were about to encounter… This was also the last time that I would be with Auron and Tidus… I wished were still here… Finally, it was also my final confrontation with Seymour…

            We reached half way through the insides of Sin when we encountered Seymour for the last time… I didn't want to fight him, but I could see his face was burning in anger.  He wanted to kill us for what we did to him… I couldn't blame him for what he was feeling.  All his life he was always considered as a bad guy; a person discriminated by everyone.  Probably that's also the reason why he decided to become a Maester so that he would get the respect that he deserved.  

"So we meet again Yuna…  Are you sure you don't want to join me to vanquish the sufferings of Spira?"

            After all this time, he was still giving me a chance.  I knew he loved me so much.  He didn't want me to let go… However…

"No… I… will… stop you…"

"Yuna… I can't believe you could say that to me. Very well… I will just end your sufferings, Yuna. I know you are…"     

"No, Seymour. I won't let you hurt Yuna!" Tidus shouted.

            I wanted to cry, again. Why am I such a crybaby?  I wanted to say how much I love him, but I was afraid of what everyone might think of me after that.  They thought I like Tidus, but as much as I tried, he couldn't just replace Seymour in my heart.  I just saw him as a good friend.  That's all.  After an intense fight, we defeated Seymour…

"Send him Yuna." Auron shouted.

            I hesitated if I should really do this, but I guess it was good for me and for him.  I didn't want to, but I have to. I had to stick to my word as a summoner. As I waved my staff, the words "good bye" formed my in my lips and he disappeared…

"Yuna… I…" Seymour said as he disappeared.  

            It was too late… I didn't know what he wanted to say.  I walked away with grief.  I just sent the one I loved… I wanted to die.  Finally, we reached the dwelling place of my father's final summon, Jecht.  We defeated him, and soon, we were confronting Yu Yevon, the root of all this… I blamed it for everything. I followed all of its teachings, but in the end, I was the one suffering.  It was time to end it…  After I defeated all of my Aeons, we defeated Yu Yevon, and soon all of the fayths were freed.  

            We were on top of Cid's airship.  I though it was the end of everything… We lost Auron along the way. I guess his mission was over, and was now ready to go to the Farplane. Suddenly I saw Tidus go through me. Not another one, after Seymour, Auron… I didn't want another one to be lost. I ran after him as he went towards the edge, but I just went through him.  I stood up and a sad look formed on my face.  He was a friend that I didn't want to lose…  He hugged me one final time…

"I love you…" I said as tears formed in my eyes.

            I love you as a friend; that's what I wanted to say during that time. I thought it would be best for me to do that to avoid anymore confusion…  It was all my fault that's why I lost Seymour… I wanted to please everyone. I did my actions according to what everyone expected me to do and not how I really felt.  In the end, Lulu's right… If you want everything, you'll end up with nothing.  

            I will carry my guilt and regrets until I die, and I will love Seymour forever. No one can replace him in my heart.

…

            _I closed my diary, and sighed…  Suddenly, I felt pain insdie my heart. It was getting stronger and stronger every second.  I fell to the ground, and the next thing I knew, everyone was panicking and I could see Lulu crying as my eyes closed…  As I woke up, I was in a foggy place.  It was an endless space.  I walked around for a while then I saw a silhouette of a man.  He looked like he had long hair, and had two "horns" on both sides…_

            Could it be…!?  If he is the one that I am thinking of, this is the happiest day of my life…

_            I ran towards the figure, and I saw him…_

Now, I will do what I should've done years ago. Now, no one's going to discriminate me of my actions.

            _I hugged him tightly, and started to cry…_

"Oh Seymour… If you only knew how I felt… The sufferings that I have encountered. I'm so sorry." I sobbed.

            "Never mind that Yuna… I know." He said as he embraced me with his arms.

            "Seymour… I love you." 

            "Don't worry Yuna… I knew that a long time ago… I told you death is the only way to end all sufferings…"

            "You're right. If I had let go of you back then, now I won't let that happen again. I don't care anymore!"

            "We'll live here happily…"

            _He took me farther, and there we disappeared… It was the happiest moment of my life…_

The End.

*So did you like it? I hope you did. I hope it wasn't dragging. Sorry for the OOCness of the characters… Please review! =)  

            

     


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